I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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