I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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