I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
