TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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