i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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