theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
