I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
