Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want her autograph on my taint
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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