K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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