In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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