What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
