Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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