those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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