Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
