____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
her vagine was all disorganized.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
