His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
