Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
