you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
