He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
