You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
