can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize