My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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