Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
