I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
