I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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