dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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