you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize