I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
