i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize