Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
