the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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