Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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