I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
