im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
