this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it because I queefed?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
