You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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