It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
