This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
