But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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