Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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