Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize