I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
