I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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