I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
