sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
