so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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