party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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