what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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