Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
