like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
