Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
