I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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