He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
50% drunk capacity currently
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
