The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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