Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
