He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
