They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
