I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
