google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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