I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
