My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
