so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
