Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize